So as it's always been..the same old same. The Fight. The Struggle. The Utmost Debacle.

I'm a die hard for trying to understand things..even though i realize at this stage that i never might.

I told you today that - I fell in love with the guy that he pretended to be atleast when 'he' was around me.

Those are just words.. but the truth of the matter is..i honestly believe them to be true.. from the pit of my heart..no joke.

I dont want it to seem like i'm trying to prove this to you..i dont know if you would ever be able to understand this..but i'm always trying to prove to myself that i dont care about him and that i dont want anything to do with him.

It's hard to detach yourself from somebody you felt was your soulmate...it's just that now i feel i understand that he's def. not the person that i fell in love with..that i longed for..But am i just making a huge contradiction..?

I really dont know.

I loved him even when his true colours were portrayed it's like it seemed i became immune to the pain..when really and truly it was like pulling out a fingernail everyday.

You know..it's true when they say that love makes you not sleep, eat or think. It's like i wanted to believe that he's the person that i talked to from the very beginning on 1st August 2007. He clearly isnt.

And this is just a reminder of the fact that i am so ignorant and naive.

I feel kinda relieved that i'm finally starting to understand and acknowledge this. I dont wanna say that you dont understand..but i'll give you the benefit of the doubt because YOU mean so much to me..more than 'he' could ever mean.

YOU are my angel gabriel.

YOU have been there for me from the beginning.

YOU saved me..YOU helped me..YOU protect me..YOU make me feel alive.. YOU encourage me..YOU love me..YOU're always there for me.

I'll never be able to thank you..

xxx.